if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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