I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pooping to opera.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
