When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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