Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
