Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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