Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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