Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
