There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
