I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
