i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
