I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
