Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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