mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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