Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
