The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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