why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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