I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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