If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's like iHOP with fire
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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