I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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