Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
