Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
