finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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