Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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