3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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