No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
