he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
