Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
