Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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