You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
