First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
