She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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