She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
