just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
