Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
