Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
