Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
