I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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