my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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