you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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