my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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