just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I pour the whiskey from now on
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize