Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
