My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
