life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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