I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
