Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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