we have pet lesbian snakes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
