Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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