there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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