Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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