Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
