This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fill condoms, not promises.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
