Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
