Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
