hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
