I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
