After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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