she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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