why didn't you poke me back
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
