I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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