none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
