I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
