I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
