That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
