i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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