i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
