Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
