after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
